My great uncle Italo passed away on November 28. He had been battling cancer for a long time. So long, he was unable to attend my wedding 4 years ago because he was so ill. Death in situations like that feel sometimes like a relief - the loved one is no longer in pain; the living no longer dealing with the pain of watching the loved one suffer.
I've sometimes thought that it is better to lose a loved one this way, since you know it is coming and can "prepare" (at least as much as that is possible). You can say your goodbyes and treasure the remaining time you have together. To loose someone in an accident (like my father's drowning), feels almost that you are cheated. You can't make amends or say goodbye. They are just gone in a blink of an eye, with no warning. Of course, if I had to watch someone I love surcome to cancer, I might feel differently. To watch them waste away and live with horrible pain - I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
I'm lucky in that I haven't had to watch someone slowly die. I wasn't very close to my uncle. I have bits of memories of him - his kind eyes, sitting in his chair watching football while my Aunt Angie got the table ready for dinner. But I'm not even sure what he did for a living. I know he was a WWII vet, and received many medals. But I don't know what for.
My grandfather died of leukemia and lymphoma last June, and I was close to him. But he lived in Florida and the last time I had seen him he was still in good health. I have that image in my mind when I think of him now. Not one of him wasting away in the hospital-style bed that Hospice brought into the living room of my grandparent's house. That image of him my grandmother and aunts must have.
Anyway you slice it, death sucks. At least for those of us left behind in the world of the living.
I miss you Uncle Italo and Papa Artie.
