Ugh!
I can't believe my eating lately. It has been completely unmindful. I haven't been logging points. Haven't been eating fruits and veggies. I went out for Mexican last night (the beans and cheese were SOOOOOOOOOO yummy) and then proceeded to come home and eat all of the WW frozen desserts that I had in the house (only had 2 servings at that point, but still).
Today I packed a healthy lunch, in an effort to get back on track. But I had forgotten that they were ordering pizza for our working session today. Again, the cheese was SOOOOOOOOOOOO good. I ended up eating 1/2 the pie! Gah!
I was having a major chocolate attack after the meeting. It was REALLY hard not to get a candy bar from Sandi's stand. But I had a cup of sugar-free hot cocoa instead. It mostly fulfilled the craving, but I still want to eat. And I'm not hungry. At all.
Something is going on. This is PMS week (though it seems kind of early in the week yet - usually it really hits on Thursday and Friday), and I always crave sweets and salt then. I am really tired, and that makes me more likely to give into cravings. I'm still feeling stressed with work, and we know that stress is an eating trigger. I miss E and won't get to see him or talk with him as much as I'd like to over the next few weeks and that bothers me. So, emotional upset, another trigger. Oh, and let's not forget the feelings of failure since I haven't been eating well the past 4 days.
So.... let's sum up here, shall we? I'm feeling:
- PMSy
- Tired
- Stressed
- Sad cause I miss my sweetie
- Like a failure
- Maybe my body is craving something in all the cheese I've been eating
Five of my big eating triggers all hitting me at once. I feel torn. Part of me says I need to not worry about it. Cut myself some slack. There's a lot going on and I just need to focus on making good choices when I can and move on when I don't. The stress level isn't going to reduce if I'm fretting so much over food.
But the other side is sitting there telling me that I'm going to have a gain this week, and I don't want a gain, I want a loss, and what's wrong with me that I'm not doing better so I will have a loss. What was the point of rejoining WW if I'm not going to follow the program? We aren't made of money you know. And well, I might as well make it a good gain if I'm going to have one, so why not pick up a box of those chocolate covered fruits at Joe's on the way home tonight.
Hmmm... one of those seems to be tied to a "diet" mentality and the other to a "that's life" mentality. How do I quiet the negative voice? How can I adopt the forgiving, loving, roll-with-the-punches attitude when I have this stream of negative self-talk blaring in my ear all the time?
*sigh*
Change is so hard. Progress is so slow. Even recognizing that it is negative self-talk is progress. But the next step feels so elusive to me. I hate not having it all figured out.
