Progress is in spirals. I have to keep reminding myself of this. This place that I am currently at - not eating well, not exercising, eating cookies for dinner - looks very familiar. I have been here before. But it is not the same place as before, because I am different. Other circumstances in my life are different. My perspective is different.
This is not a failure. I have gained back all the weight I had lost with WW, plus some more. I am now currently at my heaviest ever. EVER. But this is not failure. There is no win or loose. This is who I am right now. I have to accept this. Because there is no other way. This is me.
I am writing this because I need to remind myself of it. If I tell myself this enough times, I hope it will begin to sink in. And I'll believe it.
I am not happy with my body right now. I am uncomfortable in my skin, as I feel that I am in my own way. And I will do something about it. I will. I know I will. I'm just not ready at the moment. I need to sit in this holding pattern for awhile, collecting myself, loving myself.
*sigh*
This is hard. Really hard. Someday I will figure it out. But not today.
