Ugh. Can I get a do-over on today? I didn't sleep last night. I know, I know, that's not news. Can't I write about anything else? It was another really, really bad night. Luckily I don't have really bad nights too often (anymore). But it just means that when I do have them, I feel that much worse for the wear. (God, how did I survive when attacks like this were nightly?)
I was up every hour or so from about 10 until 2 and then was pretty much wide awake until 5:30 or so. But it wasn't just lying in bed awake. All kinds of fears and insecurities and feelings from the depths of The Dark Place surrounded me. I was battling demons at 4 am. This morning I got hit with the after effects. That lovely combination of feeling physically ill from the less than 3 hours of sleep and with complete and utter emotional wipeout. Not fun.
I went and saw the sleep specialist today. She was really nice. I get to go back next week and do a sleep-over there. Get to be hooked up to all kinds of electrodes and such. I hope they let me take pictures. Maybe they will finally have some insight into what is wrong with me. I think four+ years of insomnia is enough.
I was just so completely wasted today. I feel like I spent all day driving on 680, back and forth to the doctor. I had a client call this morning, and I hope to God that I took good notes, because at this point I really don't remember much of it. I wasn't able to work on anything that I was planning on working on - I couldn't focus, couldn't think - beyond the pain that I was/am in.
It's finally 8. Finally dark. I think I'm going to crawl into bed. Ambien where are you? Maybe if I'm lucky tomorrow will be Thursday again and I can get done what I need to get done.
I'm glad you're getting this looked into. Anxiety is one thing, but it shouldn't be able to put you into sleepless nights so consistently. You deserve a well-rested you!