Okay, I'll admit it. I'm addicted to Second Life. At least, that's the wording that I think E would use. I prefer to think of it as that place online that I like to go and hang out in. A lot. I know lots of folks "don't get it" when it comes to SL. Perhaps it's all the time I spent on the Muck when I was in college that warped my brain to be inclined to such things. After all, technically I met my first husband online. I don't know. I just know that I find it a fun way to fill the hours. Not that I really need more things to fill my hours. But it's more satisfying than watching TV. I guess I've traded one screen for another.
One thing I've been thinking about a lot lately is the role of friends in the virtual space. Sure it's fun to explore and go shopping on my own. But I much prefer to hang out with some of my SL buddies. There are 2 folks in particular that I've become friends with, and it's interesting to me to see how the friendships have changed over time.
One of the first friends I made online was J. J and I can talk about anything. It's great. He's in the Navy and is based in South Korea, at least for another month or so. Our friendship quickly outgrew the boundaries of SL and we traded emails and now spend more time emailing, chatting, and Skyping than we do in world together. We talk about things going on in our RLs with the folks that we love.
The other close friend I have is F. F is a SL friend only. I know he's a bit older than me, and that he lives in the mid-west. But that's about all I know of his RL. He made a rule when he started playing SL that he was going to keep the two worlds separate. We sometimes talk about RL things (how the weather has taken a turn for the cold where he lives, that I'm getting married), but I don't know what he looks like or what his name really is. We hang out in world, much like kids do after school. He's my buddy and we are always goofing around, trying to make the other one laugh.
It's a bit one-sided in the sense that I'm plastered all over the web. Do a search on my avatar's name and you'll find me very quickly, thank you work blog. So he knows my name and what I look like. But you know what? That's okay. It's choices we both made. I could have created another avatar separate from the one I used for work. But I like my av.
What I find interesting is the different levels of disclosure I have with these friends, and yet I feel very close to both of them. J knows the ins and outs of my life. He knows about the health issues I've been having and he checks up on me about them. F doesn't know about any of that. When I'm hanging out with him, it's truly escape time for me. I can forget about the stress of the day or how my body is feeling. I don't mix the worlds; partly out of respect for his decision to keep them separate. Partly because it feels so good to be able to get a respite.
I have friends in RL that have different levels of closeness to me. Some I let into the inner circle of my thoughts and feelings and some stay more on the surface. I think everyone has that. And it doesn't mean that I don't love and care about the folks who aren't in the inner circle. I certainly do. It's just hard for me to be that open with everyone. Yet, I'm discovering that in SL, those who would be on a "surface" level in RL feel more like the inner circle. I feel close to them even though I'm not sharing the gory details of my life.
And it makes me wonder. Is it something about the virtual experience that causes that? Is it the perceived intimacy of the computer screen that lulls us into that feeling? Can I really be close to F when I know so little about him? Is our friendship not as "real" as that I have with other friends, because we don't talk about RL? I spend more hours with F than with a lot of my real world friends - but logged hours doesn't seem an appropriate metric for measuring friendship. What are those basic elements of connection that cause someone to cross that line from stranger to friend?
I find it interesting to think about these things. I've always believed that people come in and out of your life for a reason. That there are things for you to learn from them, or for you to teach to them. I don't see why those we meet in cyberspace (*wavy hands* Oooooh! The fuuuuuuture! *wavy hands*) have to be treated any differently. J and F are still real people existing in the world, just like me.
